Benidorm blondes(Joke)

[rondetto]

I was going to kill myself today by taking a thousand aspirin. But after taking the first two I felt better.

[rondetto]

Ever noticed how removing one word in a sentence can lead to a nice story

Here's an example:

Oh jack, please don't touch me at all!

Oh jack, please don't touch me at!

Oh jack, please don't touch me!

Oh jack, please don't touch!

Oh jack, please don't!

Oh jack,please!

Oh jack!

Oh!

[rondetto]

My mate was given box of toy soldiers

He threw all the generals away

He burned all the sergeants and majors

Now he plays with his privates all day.

[rondetto]

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.

One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentlemen neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentleman, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

The gentleman responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

[rondetto]

There's a redhead a brunette and a blonde. They all ring the NASA space centre. The redhead says to the flight technician "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow.
The brunette says "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says "I want to go to the sun".
The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says "Oh, it's ok I want to go at night."